SICK OF ME

Photo by Inga Gezalian on Unsplash

When I saw the scripture reading listed, I inwardly groaned. Yes, I realize that this is definitely not a Christ-like response, but I’m being honest. As someone who has been involved in women’s ministry for thirty years, I feel like Psalm 139 has been addressed at almost every gathering and Bible study I’ve attended. This shouldn’t be a shocker to anyone, but women generally struggle with body image, so constantly being reminded that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” has become a mantra for most of us. 

Lately though, I have come to realize that I am sick of me. I’m sick of focusing on me and talking about me. I feel like everything around me caters to making my day better and giving me more time to think about myself. Author Kristie McLelland sums it up when she says “We spend most of our time staring at ourselves and only glancing at God. We need to be a people who stare at God and only glance at ourselves.” 

So, when I saw the scripture reading for the day listed as Psalm 139, instantly my heart was closing, but then I read the assignment. “Consider what God is doing in this passage. What does this reveal about him?” Ok. I like this. I know this shouldn’t be a novel idea, right? To read the Bible searching for what it reveals about God? But, in all honesty, this is the reminder I needed. The Bible is not about me. It’s all about God.

As I read through the passage, I was overwhelmed by where God is. Spoiler alert if you haven’t focused on this Psalm in a while, he’s everywhere. Literally everywhere. He’s in my thoughts, in my speech, behind me, ahead of me, coming and going, the sky, underground, the western horizon, the dark, my mother’s womb, my future, present and past. As I’m reading this, it almost feels like I’m writing a Dr. Seuss book, but I believe that’s his thinking behind this passage. He is so clearly stating these facts about himself that even a child could understand them. Where is God? He is everywhere. Anywhere your mind can conceive. He’s already there before you even thought of it. We are never alone, never have been alone, or ever will be alone. God completely surrounds you inside and out. What could you ever fear that could overcome God? Absolutely nothing. The theological descriptor for this would be omnipresent, but sometimes we need a little good old Dr. Seuss theology to drive it home, right?

Of course, God knows I still need a physical example that will cement this thinking. I mean, of course he does! He designed me and is my brain! That night I was participating in our church’s prayer experience that had several stations you walked through that invited you to physically participate in praying. The last station was set up like a campsite with a tent, camping chairs, lanterns, the whole nine yards. In the directions it invited you to get into the tent to pray, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what their reasoning was. I just remember climbing in the tent and realizing there were two chairs set up in the tent (because many people participate with their spouses) and blankets, and as I sat down in one of the chairs and pulled the blanket up around me, I looked to the other chair and immediately envisioned Jesus sitting there holding my hand. It all of a sudden struck me that this is what God was describing in Psalm 139. Everyday this is my life. Jesus sitting next to me holding my hand (the empty chair), the Holy Spirit all snuggled up in and around me (the blanket), and God completely surrounding me in protection and light (the tent and the lanterns). 

I sat there in complete awe and wonder at this God who controls time and space and yet chooses to care, comfort, protect and guide me. All concerns seemed to melt away in that moment as I stared at him, and in their place came complete joy and peace. The realization came that not only is he like this for me, but for my husband, my children and actually everyone. My prayer became one that desired for those I love to come to this real understanding in their own lives as well. May they truly comprehend this God who loves us!

This is my prayer for you as well, my friends. May you be someone who stares at God and only glances at yourself.

God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
    to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
    If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
    to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
    you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
    At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

Psalm 139:1-12 (The Message)